


we don't HAVE to be huge murdery assholes, but we wanna be

by orphan_account



Series: dialoglogs after victory but before earth c [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: BAMF Jade Harley, Banter, Canon Compliant, Dialoglogs (Homestuck), F/F, Jake English is an Idiot, Other, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket Moirallegiance, giving them the attention and love they deserve, idk how to tag this its basically just jade terezi and vriska riffing off of each other, if you want context for some of the things that the side characters say read the rest of the series!, just consider me your homestuck girls godparent, they're adorable and complete and utter assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28121733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: TEREZI: OH SH1TTEREZI: TH1S 1S 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF SUS--Jade, Terezi, and Vriska talk about culture, assumptions, and the validity of making Jake shut the fuck up.
Relationships: Davepetasprite/Jade Harley, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Series: dialoglogs after victory but before earth c [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055336
Kudos: 21





	we don't HAVE to be huge murdery assholes, but we wanna be

JADE: ok, i think im up to speed now!  
JADE: thanks for explaining it all to me, vriska  
VRISKA: Well, first of all, you are very welcome, even though you said it in a kind of dis8elieving and disrespectful w8y.  
VRISKA: It's fine though, I'm used to 8eing underappreci8ed.  
VRISKA: The disadvantages of 8eing the only person good enough to lead you schmucks, I guess.  
JADE: :P  
JADE: i guess you just dont seem like the kind of person that helps people like that!  
VRISKA: You're right, actually. I don't have time for slackers.  
VRISKA: 8ut you're not a slacker, Harley.  
VRISKA: You're one of our hardest hitters, and I'd have to 8e the shittiest strategist this side of the Green Sun to keep you out of the loop.  
TEREZI: YOU WOULD 1F YOU N33D3D TO THOUGH  
VRISKA: Well, duh.  
JADE: 8|  
VRISKA: 8ut I don't have any machin8tions that need to 8e fulfilled.  
VRISKA: I tied up all my loose ends, and I'm going into the new universe with a clean sl8!  
VRISKA: More or less. ::::)  
TEREZI: W41T  
TEREZI: DO3S TH1S M34N  
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 NO MOR3 1RONS 1N TH3 F1R3  
VRISKA: I wouldn't go as far as that.  
VRISKA: More like........ the irons are 8eing reloc8ed to a different fire.  
TEREZI: 1 S33  
JAKE: But arent you blind?  
TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: W4Y TO B3 1NS3NS1T1V3  
VRISKA: Just go 8ack to shutting up, Joke.  
TEREZI: 1 S3COND TH4T MOT1ON  
JAKE: My name is actually jake though.  
VRISKA: Weren't you shutting up????????  
JAKE: Sorry.  
JADE: hey, you dont have to apologize to these meanies!  
JADE: or shut up!  
JADE: in fact, i OPPOSE the motion!! >:(  
TEREZI: P4NTSL3SS HUM4N  
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK OF VR1SK4S PROPOS4L  
JAKE: Er.  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1M ST1LL PR3TTY OFF3ND3D BY WH4T YOU S41D 34RL13R  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 H4V3 4 LOT OF SW4Y W1TH TH3 B3T4 K1DS  
TEREZI: SP3C1F1C4LLY YOUR OFFSPR1NG JOHN  
JAKE: You didnt seem too chummy to me.  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU T3LL1NG M3 WH4T MY FR13NDSH1PS 4R3 L1K3 NOW  
JAKE: Sorry!  
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD B3  
TEREZI: SO YOU 4GR33 W1TH M3 4ND MY MO1R41L?  
JAKE: About what?  
TEREZI: H4V3 YOU S3R1OUSLY NOT B33N P4Y1NG 4TT3NT1ON TO 4NYTH1NG 1V3 B33N S4Y1NG  
JAKE: Yes of course i have!  
JADE: um, jake-  
JAKE: I agree with you terezi.  
JAKE: I hope that this is the start of a flippin fantastic friendship between us!  
TEREZI: YOU 4GR33D TO SHUTT1NG UP, HUM4N  
TEREZI: SO DO 1T  
JAKE: What? When?  
TEREZI: JUST NOW  
JAKE: Oh.  
JAKE: Oh, ding dang doodly fuck.  
VRISKA: Ha!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: You're a riot.  
JADE: yeah, you kinda walked into that one, jake :///  
JAKE: ...  
JADE: you guys are a lot meaner than i expected  
TEREZI: W3 _4R3_ TROLLS  
VRISKA: Did you think we were all going to 8e like Karkat?  
JADE: well..... kinda!  
TEREZI: OH PL34S3  
VRISKA: What's that human saying?  
VRISKA: Don't judge an entire species 8y one shouty little cra8?  
TEREZI: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 TH4T 1SNT 4 HUM4N S4Y1NG  
TEREZI: BUT 1TS 4CCUR4T3 4NYW4Y  
JADE: i dunno!  
JADE: he was the leader of your session, wasnt he?  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: HON3STLY H1M B31NG OUR L34D3R 4ND K33P1NG US FROM K1LL1NG 34CH OTH3R FOR SO LONG W4S MOR3 OF 4 T3ST4M3NT TO H1M NOT B31NG 4S TROLL1SH 4S TH3 R3ST OF US TH4N 4NYTH1NG  
TEREZI: OR 1 GU3SS 4LT3RN14N  
TEREZI: S1NC3 TH3 B3FOR4NS W3R3 PR3TTY HUM4NL1K3  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S ONLY 4 L1TTL3 B1T OF MURD3R 1N TH31R S3SS1ON  
JADE: oh  
JADE: thats pretty weird!  
JADE: it makes more sense the violence being culturally ingrained than biologically ingrained, though  
JADE: cause like biologically speaking trolls and humans are CRAZY similar  
TEREZI: WH4T  
VRISKA: What????????  
JADE: why are you surprised  
JADE: just look at us, for fucks sake!  
JADE: we all have the same kinds of faces, same hair, same body proportions  
JADE: hell, were even similar heights!  
TEREZI: OH SH1T  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF SUS  
VRISKA: I'm sure there's a reasonable explan8tion.  
JADE: ...  
VRISKA: Fucking expl8n, J8de!!!!!!!!  
JADE: umm  
JADE: i always just figured it was a consequences of you guys making us?  
JADE: for whatever inexplicable reason, we inherited a bunch of traits from trolls  
TEREZI: BUT WHY W3R3 SOM3 TR41TS P4SS3D ON 4ND OTH3R ON3S 1GNOR3D?  
JADE: thats probably just natural variation and evolution taking different courses on different planets!  
JADE: plus maybe sburb bullshit  
TEREZI: SO B4S1C4LLY  
TEREZI: HUM4NS 4R3 JUST TROLLS: 34RTH 3D1T1ON  
VRISKA: Hahahaha!  
VRISKA: That totally makes sense!  
VRISKA: I guess your universe was soooooooo out of ideas that it had to 8orrow from ours.  
TEREZI: H4H4H4  
JADE: maybe  
JADE: but then your universe borrowed from whatever sburb session came before it too!  
TEREZI: OH FUCK  
JADE: haha  
JADE: well, now you know that you dont HAVE to be huge murdery assholes!  
TEREZI: SUR3  
TEREZI: BUT SOC14L COND1T1ON1NG 1S 4 B1TCH  
KARKAT: - AS MUCH AS I HATE TO GIVE ANY CREDIT TO THE SPIDER BITCH WHATSOEVER  
KARKAT: AND I REALLY HOPE SHE DOESN'T HEAR THIS  
KARKAT: TEREZI AND VRISKA ARE A REALLY GOOD EXAMPLE OF A HEALTHY MOIRALLEGIANCE.  
VRISKA: Thanks, Karkat!!!!!!!!  
KARKAT: FUCK.  
TEREZI: <>  
VRISKA: <>  
JADE: awwwwww  
JADE: as much as trolls weird me out sometimes, moirails are so cute!  
TEREZI: W3 4R3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG 4DOR4BL3  
VRISKA: And huuuuuuuuge 8itches!  
TEREZI: Y3S  
JADE: ...................  
JAKE: Can i talk again now?  
VRISKA: No.  
TEREZI: NO  
JADE: stop being so horrible to jake!  
TEREZI: 1M SORRY MS H4RL3Y  
TEREZI: 1M 4FR41D W3 C4NT DO TH4T  
JADE: >:(  
JADE: youre HUGE assholes and should be ashamed of yourselves!  
JADE: do you really want to make enemies before we even ENTER the universe?  
VRISKA: Wasn't planning to, 8ut c'est la vie.  
TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S YOU JUST H4V3 TO L3T TH1NGS GO 4S TH3Y W1LL, J4D3  
JADE: idiots!  
JADE: come on jake  
JAKE: Ok.  
VRISKA: 8ye, loooooooosers.  
TEREZI: BY3!  
TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOU DROV3 4W4Y TH3 CUT3 G1RL  
VRISKA: Hold on.  
VRISKA: Do you have a crush on J8de?  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SH3S CUT3  
TEREZI: BUT D4V3P3T4 4LR34DY S41D TH3YR3 DO1NG TH3 HUM4N MONOG4MOUS TH1NG W1TH H3R  
TEREZI: TH3Y H4V3 D1BS  
VRISKA: You've 8een talking to that a8omin8tion????????  
TEREZI: HOW COULD 1 NOT  
TEREZI: H4LF OF TH3M S33S M3 4S 4N OLD D34R FR13ND  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3 OTH3R H4LF S33S M3 4S TH3 4L13N CH1CK WHO K1LL3D TH31R B3ST BRO  
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND OF H1L4R1OUS  
VRISKA: What, are you trying to explode them or something?  
TEREZI: N4H  
TEREZI: 1D H4T3 TO DO TH4T  
TEREZI: TH3YR3 SO COOL  
TEREZI: COOL3R TH4N 3V3N D4V3  
VRISKA: Wow. I thought that was impossi8le.  
TEREZI: 1T US3D TO B3  
TEREZI: BUT TH3N K4RK4T GOT TO H1M  
VRISKA: Pffffffff.  
VRISKA: Yeah, that'll do it.  
TEREZI: HON3STLY  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 3V3N W1THOUT K4RKL3S CORRUPT1NG 4LPH4 D4V3  
TEREZI: D4V3P3T4 WOULD ST1LL B3 COOL3R  
TEREZI: TH3YR3 NOT 3V3N 3MOT1ON4LLY CONST1P4T3D  
VRISKA: ........ Are you sure they're part Strider?  
TEREZI: DONT 4SK M3 HOW 1T H4PP3N3D  
TEREZI: BUT FUCK TH3YR3 SO R4D VR1SK4  
VRISKA: Now I feel like you're angling for a quadrant with shitty-color-scheme-sprite.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < at least im not drab like you, vwhiskers!  
VRISKA: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!  
TEREZI: C4LM TH3 FUCK DOWN S3RK3T  
VRISKA: Thanks, Terezi.  
VRISKA: I guess something a8out them just........ gets under my skin.  
CALLIOPE: OuO  
VRISKA: Stop looking at me like that!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Jegus, is everyone just listening in on other people's convers8tions????????  
TEREZI: PR3TTY MUCH Y34H  
TEREZI: W41T SHUT UP 1 H34R SOM3ON3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3  
ROXY: terezi is def horny  
TEREZI: 1 DO H4V3 F4NT4ST1C HORNS  
TEREZI: TH3Y 4R3 PO1NTY 4ND TH3 B3ST  
ROXY: haha yes we were totes talking abt that n not sex things  
TEREZI: 1 4M 4LSO HORNY 1N TH4T W4Y  
TEREZI: >;]  
TEREZI: W1NK W1NK  
TEREZI: I S41D TH4T 1N C4S3 YOU COULDNT C4TCH MY PHYS1C4L W1NK1NG B3C4US3 1M W34R1NG BOMB 4SS GL4SS3S  
ROXY: lmao  
VRISKA: You're all over everyone today, huh?  
TEREZI: SHUT UP  
VRISKA: H8y, I'm not judging!  
VRISKA: Get it, girl.  
TEREZI: OH, 1 W1LL  
TEREZI: >:]

**Author's Note:**

> Vrisrezi moirallegiance is top-tier!


End file.
